Tuesday, November 24, 2015

Guilty as charged - here's proof

I am guilty... I have been watching way too much politics.  In trying to justify my wasted time I have figured out how each candidate would respond to their price being too high:
Donald Trump – TOO HIGH?  Are you kidding.  Have you seen the price the Democrats have been charging?  Bernie Sanders wants to low ball you by adding on all kinds of hidden cost – it will end up costing you two to three times what I’m charging.  And besides all my competitors are idiots!  They are just plain stupid and incompetent.  Pay this price and I will show you how to be a winner!  And don't forget, I'm leading in the polls!
Hillary Clinton – TOO HIGH? Compared to WHAT?  HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA !!!!!  Customers like you need a champion, and I want to be your champion, but to be your champion you have to pay my price.
Bernie Sanders  – TOO HIGH?  You have been taken advantage of by all the BIG BOYS for way too long.  It’s time you declared that you are fed up and not going to take it any more!  It’s time that you helped out the little guy and paid me a little extra so I can keep the lights on and food on the table!  Up in Vermont, these are the prices that customers paid.  I think you should be a little careful about underestimating me if you don’t pay my price.
Ted Cruze – TOO HIGH?  Yes my prices are high, but if you buy from me you will not have to pay any income tax on the profit you make by selling my products.  Buy from me and even if you have to pay a little more you will get me.  I have been doing so much with so little I can now do anything with nothing!  I will show you how “anybody with nothing can achieve anything.”  Buy from me at my price and I will show you how, together, we can build a dynamic relationship.
Ben Carson – TOO HIGH? – look, I’m a reasonable man.  Let’s sit down and discuss how much you are willing to pay.  Let’s see if we can come to some type of compromise so everyone will be happy.  Besides, I didn’t want to sell it at this price, but so many people asked me to do it, I felt an obligation to charge you this much.  After all, I’m probably never going to be politically correct because I’m a surgeon, not a sales person.
Jeb Bush – TOO HIGH? – you paid a higher price to my dad and my brother, why won’t you buy from me and pay what I am asking.  If you don’t want to pay my price I will take this issue up with my finance department and see if there is any room in here to wiggle a little.  I have been in this business a long time and would like to do things the way they have always been done!  Maybe I can get one of the other departments to cut their costs a little so I can meet your demand.  I want to price you from the heart.
Marco Rubio – TOO HIGH? – Let me explain why you should pay this price.  I grew up poor.  I know what it’s like to go without.  I want to charge you more so I can have a better life for myself and my family.  I will put the extra money you are paying in a rebate program and pay it back to you.  My company wants to get smaller and charge higher prices so everybody wins.  It’s time for my company to lead the way towards a new era of higher prices.
Joe Biden – TOO HIGH? – I just can’t decide how much to charge you.  If you think my price is too high, maybe you’re right and maybe you’re wrong.  I just don’t know.  I will decide in 90 days and let you know if I can lower my price or not!
Carly Fiorina - TOO HIGH? – I want to be transparent.  After all I have been the CEO of the company before and I know how important it is to charge a high price when you are selling and ask for a low price when you are buying.  Just as long as my price is lower than Hillary Clinton’s I think we can come to some agreement.
Chris Christie – TOO HIGH?  I am ready to fight for my price.  I know how to fight because I am from New Jersey and when you grow up in New Jersey you learn how stand up and look them in the eye!  That’s my price and I’s sticking to it!
Rick Perry – TOO HIGH?  You’re right.  How do they expect anyone to sell at these prices?  I quit!

Happy Thanksgiving... it’s a great time to be thankful that so many people are willing to stand up, take the abuse and be willing to lay it on the line for our freedom.